|Something I've been thinking about
||[Apr. 7th, 2008|03:54 pm]
Fattie Union - Fat and Happy, so STFU!
You know what makes me hate being fat? Shopping.
Last Saturday my boyfriend and I went on a shopping spree in a city 4 hours away (by car) from where we live. We spent about 5 hours there shopping. I *love* shopping. I love bringing new clothes and shoes at home and wearing them for the first time 2 or 3 days later, I love spending money on clothes I like and clothes that fit me well and make me look spiffy. But I hate the shopping itself, the whole trying-clothes-on processus.
On the way back home, I was driving, lost in my thoughts, I was thinking about the 5 hours I spent at the shopping center, all the stores I visited, all the clothes I bought - and all the ones I tried on but didn't fit, either because of my oversized boobs or because even the XL wouldn't fit me. I also realized that I always took a look into the stores before entering them and looking at clothes, to make sure I wasn't the only fat girl in it... to make sure the sellers wouldn't look at me weird and to make absolutely sure that it wasn't that kind of store where they sell clothes of small size with an L on the tag (the best way to piss me off).
I realized that, when I tried on shirts and NONE of them would fit, I was *ashamed* to leave the cabin and give the clothes and say "nothing fits". Whenever that happens, I'm sure the girl will think, deep inside of herself, "of course, she's too fat to fit in these, I don't even know why she tried them on". I realized that, when the clothes are high on a rack and you must ask a seller to have the size you want, even if the shirt was really nice and I really wanted to try it on, I didn't ask a seller, because I was ashamed to tell her that I'd like a L or an XL.
I realized that shopping really sucks when you have such a low-confidence about your body... it's been this way for me for 6, 7 years maybe, and I'm starting to get tired of it. I just felt like getting that out of my heart and head, share it with you girls and get your comments. I want to know if I'm all alone acting this way!